The Quiz
by Sergeant Duck
Summary: Just a quicky until plot bunnies cooperate and give me more chapters for my other stories. Ratchet/OC Valkyrie


I was bored one day and was flipping through my friend's magazine when I got the idea for this. BLAME THE PLOT BUNNIES! THEY ARE THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL!

Key -_ Talkin' in your head_, something emphasized, **annnnnd we'll use bold for the questions being read**.

**The Quiz**

Valkyrie growled in frustration and closed one of Ratchet's desk drawers with more force than was necessary. "It's gotta be in here somewhere" she muttered as she opened another drawer and began rummaging through the insides. _The_ _next time Ratchet tells me to get something from his desk that slagger can drag his sorry aft in here and get it himself!_ With another curse she slammed the drawer and sat back in the CMO's chair with a pout. Looking around the office she tried to think of where else that data pad could be. She leaned forward and began searching the desk drawers again to see if she had simply passed over the sought item.

The sound of something hitting the floor while she was digging through the bottom drawer caught her attention. Curious, she half closed the drawer and found a small magazine laying on the ground. _It must have been stuck to the bottom of the drawer. _She picked up the human magazine and grinned when she saw the title 'Cosmopolitan' decorating the front. "Well, well, well Ratchet. What do we have here?" Valkyrie raised an optic ridge when she noted the date printed on the front was about two months shy of when she made her change from human to cybertronian. She flipped through the delicate pages as carefully as she could occasionally pausing to read an article. Somewhere around the middle of the magazine she found a folded piece of paper shoved inside. Opening the paper she was surprised to find Ratchet's handwriting. Even more surprising was the fact that the writing was apparently the answers to a 'Cosmo Quiz.' With a quick glance out into the med bay to make sure she wouldn't be disturbed she settled back into the chair and began to read.

**Name: **Ratchet.

_Well duh._

**Nickname: **The Hatchet.

_Already knew that._

**I think my body: **Is no Lamborghini, but good enough for my uses.

_Good enough for me too._

**I feel sexiest in: **I fail to see the point of this question since I don't wear anything.

_Awww Ratchet, you're no fun. But I guess this question __is__ kinda pointless for cybertronians._

**You'd be surprised to find out that I've never: **Questioned my ethics before; ever…until now.

Valkyrie frowned wondering if she had anything to do with that answer.

**I think it's flattering when people call me: **Psychotic.

Valkyrie barked out a sharp laugh and slammed a hand across her mouth so she wouldn't make too much noise. _Now __that's__ more like the grumpy medic I know and love._

**You know a guy is perfect for you when: **Guy? I know "someone" is perfect for me when they are intelligent, funny, confident, and can manage to not end up on one of my repair berths on a regular basis for something retarded like jet judo or seeing whether you can create an explosion resulting in pink smoke!

If Valkyrie was still human she'd be fighting with tears she was laughing so hard.

**My favorite part of my body is:** Considering what I can do with them and what can be done to them, I am going to have to say my hands.

Valkyrie leaned back into the chair with a sigh and a dreamy look in her optics. _Oh yes. The things you can do with those hands…_

**My celebrity crush is: **What is it with humans and having a crush on celebrities? Celebrities are nothing more than overpaid, spoiled, fraggers with more upgraded parts than that glitched Windows Vista program "thing" Wheeljack was dumb enough to try on Teletraan-1 last week.

Valkyrie snorted and smirked at that. Ratchet would have a field day if he found out that it was Sideswipe who planted that idea into Wheeljack's head and that the Chief Engineer was dumb enough to fall for it.

**I am most insecure about my ___________, because: **Chevron. We can thank a certain female human for that when she started calling me boomerang head.

_Mwuahahahahahahahahahahahaha!_

**I think it's sexy when a guy: **Again with the "guy" type question. Anyways, I believe an aggressive partner is sexy as hell.

_Aggressive huh?_

**I've been in love: **I used to think I had been in love before. The sensations and feelings I've recently been introduced to have since corrected me.

A warm feeling rippled across her spark. _You really are a sentimental glitch Ratchet; but God help me for loving you that much more for it._

**The best relationship advice I ever received was: **I've never gotten any advice on relationships that was worth a damn.

Valkyrie rolled her optics. Ratchet couldn't be more right about that one. Relationship advice reminded her of an old quote about opinions and assholes.

**My ritual to calm my nerves is: **Throwing random objects at slaggers who annoy me, getting drunk on high grade, picking on Wheeljack and Joe…mostly Joe.

_Well at least I was good for something._

**I'm not as** **_____________ as I look. **Pissed off.

_Yeah but no one will believe it._

**The worst pick-up line that's ever been used on me was: **I don't remember the exact wording but when I was an intern, another intern offered to exchange notes on interface cable examinations and maintenance.

Valkyrie raised an optic ridge noting how Ratchet failed to mention if the cheesy pick up line had been successful or not.

**The words I live by are: **Serve so that others may live, a medic's education never ends, ALL LAMBORGHINIS ARE INSANE, there is no such thing as a minor explosion in Wheeljack's lab…I can come up with these things all day

"Hey! Val! Did you find that data pad or what?!"

Valkyrie jumped and had the magazine back under the drawer before Ratchet's booming voice finished echoing in the med bay proper. With a wicked grin in place she stood and left the office. Ratchet had his back turned towards her and failed to notice when she quietly walked over to the med bay door and set the lock. She then walked over to stand behind the CMO who was preoccupied with the equipment attached to a crash cart. Ratchet started to straighten having finally detected Valkyrie standing behind him but only made it halfway when she jumped onto his back sending them both over the top of the cart and crashing to the ground. _Aggressive he wants; aggressive he'll get!_

Later that evening Ratchet staggered from the med bay with a limp, a stupid lopsided smile, and a dazed look in his optics. Wheeljack shook his head as he watched his friend from the med bay entrance. Stepping fully into the med bay and allowing the doors to close he folded his arms across his chest and raised an optic ridge at the only other occupant in the room. Valkyrie blinked back innocently from where she was picking up supplies from a tipped over crash cart. "You gave up the right to the innocent look when you became Ratchet's mate Val so don't even bother. I don't want to know what you two did; scratch that, I really really don't want to know what you two did. I'm also gonna pretend that I didn't see the bite mark on his chevron. All I wanna know is if there is anythin' in here that needs to be….re-sanitized."


End file.
